Grazing the Social Networks and Coming Up (Mostly) Empty

One of my friends once likened Facebook to a refrigerator before grocery day. You keep opening it over and over again hoping to find something good, but usually just walk away hungry, disgusted or with a stomach ache. I find that to be a pretty accurate description of my Facebook feed. I check that stupid thing to an almost OCD-like degree, and never quite find what I’m looking for. And now Facebook has launched the new Subscribe Button, allowing users to follow the updates of any public user. Do you think this will lead to even more spoiled leftovers, condiments, and half-full pickle jars?

My personal Twitter is much the same. I’m not exactly sure how or why I ended up with so many followers other than the little known fact that I pretty much follow everyone back. Except spammers. That includes the Hormel Food Corporation. I tried SPAM once. It tasted fine, but I was sick to my stomach all night.

I barely tweet. Not much of what happens within my trajectory really seems tweet worthy. Like the time I was stuck driving behind that horse’s ass. I’m pretty sure I was the only one who found that even slightly amusing.

Still, I  feel such a strange sense of loyalty to my personal social networking accounts, especially Facebook and Twitter. It’s sort of like the loyalty a dog feels to his master with lots of slobbering, panting, and an occasional poop in the shoe. They feed and stroke me just enough that I can’t bring myself to break through the fence and run free.

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5 thoughts on “Grazing the Social Networks and Coming Up (Mostly) Empty

  1. Oh my gosh, what a perfect analogy – “You keep opening it over and over again hoping to find something good, but usually just walk away hungry, disgusted or with a stomach ache.”

    I recently instituted a no-internet time zone for myself since I was compulsively checking FB, Twitter and my blog. Compulsively. It’s helped, but I’ve been slacking off recently. And on that note, I’m gonna go do some laundry….

    • That’s a brilliant idea (a no-internet time zone). I have become a maniac with the internet, especially since I got a smart phone. I spend more time watching washing machines on you tube than doing real, actual laundry! Oy.

  2. I’m as guilty checking my smartphone, FB, Twitter, etc. It’s a daily chore to resist every urge to check but I keep telling myself that I am in control of my social activities and not the other way around.

    On a separate note, I still can’t, for the life of me, figure out how SPAM (stuff posing as meat) is still being eaten in enough quantities to warrant the manufacture of it. Yes, manufacture was an intentional description, HA.

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