All’s fair in love and Facebook

Posted by S.

My partner in crime, azfree, got to talking about a recent situation involving a former love interest and a surprise on Facebook (the story of which I hope she posts here soon). It got me to thinking about the delicate balance of living openly on Facebook.

There are ex-boyfriends out there, ex-love interests, ex-one-night-stands, ex-what-ifs, ex-whatevers…and, well, what to you do with them? And, what do you do when your current love interest finds long-lost-exes wafting through the waves of social media?

There was this guy I used to work with, and we were great friends. Then one day he told me he wanted more, but I wasn’t going there. We lost touch soon after, but then several years, a girlfriend for him and a marriage on my part later, he resurfaced! There he was, becoming my friend on Facebook.

We emailed a bit through FB back and forth, catching up on our professional lives and our travels. Turned out he’d done a lot, and I was happy we reconnected, and there seemed to be no hard feelings lingering from the complicated relationship we left years earlier. Then, one day, I discovered he had unfriended me. I was confused and a little hurt, and wondered why. Was it something I said?

There are others out there, some with whom I am FB friends, others to whom I wouldn’t dare send a request. Dust has settled. But now that my husband has recently joined FB, I wonder who will resurface in his life? Certainly there are skeletons in his closet–I think I know all of them, but you never can be fully sure. What strange interactions will they incur? What will he not tell me?

A married friend of mine reconnected with a former boyfriend on FB, and they began a conversation, which she said could have led to satisfying some curiosity on both their parts. She didn’t act on it, and they eventually stopped talking. But what is there to gain in dredging up old relationships through the casual medium of FB?

Voyeurism? Scraping open old wounds? Masochism? Maturity? Who knows!

If FB’s mission is to uninhibit its users to privacy, and in Mark Zuckerberg’s own words: “I’m trying to make the world a more open place,” well I guess all our dirty laundry is there for the airing. Sooner or later we’ll have to face it and choose to friend or unfriend it.


3 thoughts on “All’s fair in love and Facebook

  1. I love this! As someone who has never given a flying fork about what anyone says or thinks about me, I found it very disturbing how miffed I was when someone unfriended me on facebook. I had to know why, how did I offend them, etc. It was ridiculous. She could have called me lord knows what to my face and I wouldn’t have cared but to unfriend me? The nerve!!!!

  2. Pingback: Are you a follower? Time to lead the purge charge « BTWWTF?!?!

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