The great ant genocide of 1997

Posted by A.

When I was in college, my apartment was invaded by ants. There were lines of them upwards of three inches thick trailing along the wall near the ceiling. My roommate and I totally freaked out, grabbed our only can of bug spray and sprayed the hell out of those little suckers. The outcome was what appeared to be the worst ant genocide in the history of Humboldt County.

Upon following the trail of dead ants back to its place of origin, we discovered they were living inside our new plant, Ophelia (yes we named our plant), which was sitting on top of the refrigerator. Assuming we had killed them all, we took the plant out onto the balcony and watered it. At this point a fountain of ants, including the queen, spilled out onto the concrete. It was like watching a mad-scientist version of the Bellagio Fountains in Las Vegas, with ants instead of water and my screams instead of musical accompaniment. I grabbed the bug spray and sprayed the plant and its ant spillage until the can was completely empty.

That was the end of our ant problems (I feel terribly guilty about the carnage to this day). Strangely enough, Ophelia seemed to flourish after that.

Not long ago I learned from my bug man, Bob the Bug Blaster, that it’s better to spray ant invaders with Windex, rather than bug spray. It’s less toxic to humans and, as an added bonus, it leaves your surfaces shiny and clean.

Ants among me

Posted by Shoshana

I’d like to tell you a little story about carpenter ants, camponotus pennsylvanicus. They are the big, ferocious black ones that when you try to kill them it takes a heavy blow from a sledgehammer, maybe two. And when they are smashed, their abdomens go splat, you can actually hear it pop.

We have a slight infestation here at my house. The bug man, Dave, and I have been trying to get rid of them for more than a month, but they are industrious little suckers, and know how to evade even the most potent of poisons Dave sends at them.

The problem is they are nesting somewhere in my roof above my kitchen. They are a bit like termites in that they like to chew wood. When a house becomes a home for these carpenter ants it is serious business. And, like termites,they can cause structural damage.

All this has had me on edge and alarmed. Imagine me at 10 p.m. emptying out my cupbords and putting the contents into the refrigerator while frantically smashing foraging ants by the tens with my flip flop. Keep in mind while you imagine this scenario that I am ridiculously afraid of bugs and get squeamish when I have to kill even a tiny ant. These suckers can be nearly an inch long! And they are fast and durable. Like the cockroach, they have no doubt survived and adapted over the millennia to survive in even the harshest of climates (like Iowa). So, if the world goes up in a ball of smoke due to climate change or armageddon, whatever you may have your chips wagered on, there leaves little doubt in my mind that the carpenter ant will survive through it, and even floursish.

Dave the bug man just left for the fourth or fifth time after he sprayed some toxic gas into our roof. I hope he doesn’t have to come back any time soon. In the meantime, I will be vigilant, flip-flop in hand to attack any lone survivor that dares to forage in my kitchen.